One thing I’ve learned from personal experience and insane amounts of academic research is that perfectionists are absolutely horrible at caring for their body. Despite often being active, fit, and even obsessive with their appearance, interestingly, this frequently comes at the expense of their health.
We have to stop and think, when activities meant to improve health and well-being are now the catalyst for health problems, what is it that is motivating our behavior?
I was forced into back surgery just days after my 29th birthday. The surgeon suggested a 3–6-month recovery process before the fusion would be set and I could go back to my regular routine, which consisted of spending hours in the gym daily.
Without a doubt, I knew I would be back in three months. To me, there was no other option.
I rehabbed tirelessly, doing everything that was required and more. Three months came and went, but I still experienced significant pain. Three more months past, and the situation remained unchanged. The pain was excruciating, but I only knew one way… keep pushing forward. Mind over matter. If what I was doing wasn’t working, just do more.
This is the story for so many perfectionists and the relationship to their body.
Often, being athletic, fit, and receiving compliments because of their physique becomes an integral part of their identity – an outward portrayal of their “perfect-ness.” Considering perfectionists tendency is to hide anything that could be perceived as imperfect, one could see how outward appearance becomes so important.
“These pains you feel are messengers, listen to them.”
– Rumi
I can’t tell you how many clients have come to me hoping to eliminate dysfunction in their body and the resulting pain. Generally, what they want is an exercise or stretch that solves all their problems so they can continue pushing themselves to the limit. But the truth is – when it comes to healing the body – what we eliminate is often more important that anything we could add, especially if we have been dealing with the problem for a long time.
And odds are, the pain is something that has lingered for quite some time. Perfectionists’ tenacity when overcoming obstacles is what has enabled them to accomplish so much – pushing, grinding, never letting anything stand in their way.
But a time comes when we must stop and listen to the intelligence of our body. Small things will develop into big things; it’s not a matter of if, but when. The minor problem will develop into something you wish you had given attention to sooner.
So cut yourself a break, that shoulder, knee, back, or neck pain you’ve been dealing with, give it the attention it deserves. It will require change. You may have to eliminate some activities for a while, change some habits, and adjust your routine, but in the process, you heal, reconnect with your body, and learn that when you give it what it craves, your body gives you more back then you ever could have imagined.
Life is too short, there is so much to explore, and constant pain is far from a requirement. As the Sufi poet, Rumi, stated so elegantly, “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.”
And if there is anything I can do to assist you on your journey please don’t hesitate to reach out.